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one more month

you know I like my chicken fried

and cold beer on a friday night

a pair of jeans that fit just right

Summer Recap

Wow, i wrote this in the beginning of summer. its kind of weird what i considered important when I wrote this, and what’s important now.

this summer has been… a blur. I can’t believe it’s over. i was really nervous to serve this summer. i was nervous because… well i didn’t really know what to expect. I couldn’t even feel inadequate yet because I didn’t truly understand the task God set before me. i was nervous to see the faces of my sg members when they found out that I was their co-servant. i was nervous that God wasn’t going to use me. but in hindsight, wow does God use the greatest sinners. through late night meetings, planning for hang outs, qt accountability, mp accountability, i definitely learned when God asks of us, he asks of all of us. it truly takes everything to be christlike. if i could take one thing away from this summer, it’d be just that. God wants all of me, and i want to give him all of me. i feel like i’ve been unveiled to this whole spiritual realm with battles all around me. and now that i see this, and how truly hurt everyone is.not what they show or tell., but inwardly, how deep the pain is. i’m raelizing theres just not enough time in a day to pray for this world. its so easy for me to forget this, so easy for me to just judge people. but i have to remember how deep they hurt. there must be as much prayer as there is blood.

so my past psyche asks me, what’s important in my life? its important that I give my everything for this hurting world.

“What’s important in your life?”

For the past mm… years, I’ve been probing this question. What is important in my life? I tirelessly spent my am’s on a rooftop, hill, or any introspectively intrinsic spot hoping that somehow I was sitting in some twilight-zone, ozone hole where the secrets of the world leaked from the heavens. I bought a motorcycle and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance to achieve some level of Kerouacian transcendence. I dreamt of a perfect layer of facial scruff as I bought exotic fruits from a local in a third-world. Yes, I still do want these things, but have I come any closer to answering the question? No, not exactly… but it has made me realize that in the past mm years I have added and subtracted many, many things that I did not once consider important.

Let’s see… Family. The institution of family has always come and gone for me. When I was a child, family was a constant. But, when I joined the pitiful “broken” wagon, I threw it away. Why? Perhaps because we’re all survivors. Now, the absence of my notion of family only makes it that much more important to me. Isn’t this a phenomenon? We, as humans, are wired to miss things in their absence, things that may have lost importance in their presence. But why? Does Hallmark have it right when it colorfully warns us that we’ll never know until it’s gone?

no. i thinnk the card maker only has it half right. by missing somehting. we hold a sliver of hope that it’s going to come back. right? when it rains we miss the sun, because we know that one day, one season its going to come back. even if that sliver is miniscule. when someone dies we miss them. and its physically impossible to see them again. but we still give ourselves that internally emotional drive to playback our times together. and we wish that we could relive those. we knows its impossible but we still do it instead of completely trashing those memories.

our hope is in the wrong thing. we must completely abandon hope in the world.

it’s not about what’s important. its about letting nothing become important, so that everything becomes imporatnt. everything has a life. closing my heart to the world, can only make my heart open wider to the world.

hush puppy

there was a time when you told me to be still.

Zen

Image

In a car you’re always in a compartment, and because you’re used to it you don’t realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You’re a passive observer and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame.

On a cycle the frame is gone. You’re completely in contact with it all. You’re in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming.

 

 

watch out

watch out, mate break an ankle